Sometimes I feel like God allows us to feel the weight of being annihilated in a spiritual boxing ring. Because through this kind of suffering, we can better appreciate what Christ really did, which was step in the way and take the beating on our behalf.
I struggle deeply with in adequacy - in short, never being good enough. I'm not a good enough mom, wife, human, homeschool teacher, keeper of our home, friend, neighbor, daughter, sister, Child of God...nothing. But somehow I think if I really try hard enough, which I do, I will be good enough. One day. Even after 31 years of living, that day has yet to come.
And praise be to the Father for that.
I am a heap of dirty muck that Jesus sees from afar and says, "Ah, there she is. I can use her." and He makes me clean and equips me to any goodness I have on this side of heaven. And for this, I can take none of the credit.
Because when I "feel" good on my own efforts, it's a farce. I cannot do anything good apart from Christ, and taking credit is heretical. And yet! When Christ does equip me to goodness, I can have the boldness to say "I am GOOD." - which is something I have yet to do. I have not the faith enough to fully trust the work of the cross but I how I wish I do and will spend every day asking the Lord for Him to make me enough. Do I trust that it is done? Christ has secured the victory! I am not my own worst enemy anymore, for I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and the word of His testimony.
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