Sometimes I feel like God allows us to feel the weight of being annihilated in a spiritual boxing ring. Because through this kind of suffering, we can better appreciate what Christ really did, which was step in the way and take the beating on our behalf.
I struggle deeply with in adequacy - in short, never being good enough. I'm not a good enough mom, wife, human, homeschool teacher, keeper of our home, friend, neighbor, daughter, sister, Child of God...nothing. But somehow I think if I really try hard enough, which I do, I will be good enough. One day. Even after 31 years of living, that day has yet to come.
And praise be to the Father for that.
I am a heap of dirty muck that Jesus sees from afar and says, "Ah, there she is. I can use her." and He makes me clean and equips me to any goodness I have on this side of heaven. And for this, I can take none of the credit.
Because when I "feel" good on my own efforts, it's a farce. I cannot do anything good apart from Christ, and taking credit is heretical. And yet! When Christ does equip me to goodness, I can have the boldness to say "I am GOOD." - which is something I have yet to do. I have not the faith enough to fully trust the work of the cross but I how I wish I do and will spend every day asking the Lord for Him to make me enough. Do I trust that it is done? Christ has secured the victory! I am not my own worst enemy anymore, for I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and the word of His testimony.
Sunday, October 20, 2019
Thursday, October 3, 2019
weather and other.
Yesterday was a high of 92 degrees, and I took the boys to an impromptu trip to the beach with my mother in law, sister in law, and cousin in law. I hadn't taken the boys to the beach all summer - we finally made it on October 2nd. Today is 56 degrees and raining. New Jersey, I believe you have some issues. As we will be home tying up ends both school and chore wise, I like that it is rainy. Rainy days make for lovely at-home days.
The second daily topic on my list of daily topics is to write about my favorite childhood birthday. I did have a lot of wonderful birthday parties as a kid, so I won't pick a favorite, but my most memorable was my 10th. I had seen in my American Girl magazine an idea for a 50s themed bowling party for a 10th birhtday and I was sold. The invitation told everyone to come in 50s attire and I was going to get a bowling pin for everyone to sign and it would be epic.
Well, the day of the party came. And the bowling alley was closed.
My mom had booked the party weeks in advance, so it wasn't for lack of planning. They simply forgot my birthday. Somehow my mom managed to get a hold of someone (without a cell phone, we didn't have those back in the 90s), and they opened it solely for my party. I didn't get the behind the scenes tour and they almost didn't give me my bowling pin until my mom lost it on someone. Mind you - she was about 7 months pregnant with my brother Samuel. You don't mess with a 7 month pregnant lady. I know now, as I've been there 4 times over.
Had all the troubles not occurred, it may have not been as memorable. Just goes to show that mishaps maybe aren't always the worst thing to happen.
The second daily topic on my list of daily topics is to write about my favorite childhood birthday. I did have a lot of wonderful birthday parties as a kid, so I won't pick a favorite, but my most memorable was my 10th. I had seen in my American Girl magazine an idea for a 50s themed bowling party for a 10th birhtday and I was sold. The invitation told everyone to come in 50s attire and I was going to get a bowling pin for everyone to sign and it would be epic.
Well, the day of the party came. And the bowling alley was closed.
My mom had booked the party weeks in advance, so it wasn't for lack of planning. They simply forgot my birthday. Somehow my mom managed to get a hold of someone (without a cell phone, we didn't have those back in the 90s), and they opened it solely for my party. I didn't get the behind the scenes tour and they almost didn't give me my bowling pin until my mom lost it on someone. Mind you - she was about 7 months pregnant with my brother Samuel. You don't mess with a 7 month pregnant lady. I know now, as I've been there 4 times over.
Had all the troubles not occurred, it may have not been as memorable. Just goes to show that mishaps maybe aren't always the worst thing to happen.
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
challenge: accepted (for now)
I was challenged by one of my students (who I'll keep anonymous) to write alongside them for five minutes straight. I dismissed the thought initially, but realized I myself do not write as consistently as I would like. So why not? Benefit to me also is that I have already graduated, so if I fall off the bandwagon, I have no grade to worry about. Sorry kids! You will thank me one day.
My husband and I returned last Friday from a 9 day trip to the UK and it feels like I'm just now able to get into a good momentum for educating our boys and my students at co-op. It was a whole other world across the pond. I returned with a strong distaste for the monarchy and a deep appreciation for driving on the RIGHT side of the road. But I also returned with a deep desire to pour more into my community, and I believe that was no accident. God showed Himself in unexpected ways over there, and I hope to dive deep into more of who He is over here.
My kids are chattering away down the hall in their toy room. I must go make them breakfast after this, though what I will make is yet to be decided. One of them always has something to say, regardless of what I make. Hopefully we can avoid whining today, by the power of the Holy Spirit!
This is a lot harder than I thought. Kudos to all of you high schoolers who have been doing this for a few weeks now! You are all going to be much better writers because of it! In fact, I have seen an improvement on many of your writings already. I try to comment occasionally but it seems my phone hates Blogger and will not allow me. But I have been catching up on the readings and enjoy them tremendously. So interesting to see how personalities come out in a mere five minutes.
Timer's up! Did you know Google has a timer?
My husband and I returned last Friday from a 9 day trip to the UK and it feels like I'm just now able to get into a good momentum for educating our boys and my students at co-op. It was a whole other world across the pond. I returned with a strong distaste for the monarchy and a deep appreciation for driving on the RIGHT side of the road. But I also returned with a deep desire to pour more into my community, and I believe that was no accident. God showed Himself in unexpected ways over there, and I hope to dive deep into more of who He is over here.
My kids are chattering away down the hall in their toy room. I must go make them breakfast after this, though what I will make is yet to be decided. One of them always has something to say, regardless of what I make. Hopefully we can avoid whining today, by the power of the Holy Spirit!
This is a lot harder than I thought. Kudos to all of you high schoolers who have been doing this for a few weeks now! You are all going to be much better writers because of it! In fact, I have seen an improvement on many of your writings already. I try to comment occasionally but it seems my phone hates Blogger and will not allow me. But I have been catching up on the readings and enjoy them tremendously. So interesting to see how personalities come out in a mere five minutes.
Timer's up! Did you know Google has a timer?
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